Though I've had my shares of partying, I fell out of the trend due a lack of entertainment. No it's not one of those stories where I was miraculously saved from a life of fast paced fun and parties. I was never addicted to anything or reliant on any substance, but don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be Mother Theresa here. I just quit the party scene because I realized a correlation between me and my boyfriend fighting and my partying. I always encouraged him to come with me and to have fun and meet new people but he's never been the one to drink or go out, and I think that's one of the things I love about him.
I soon noticed that we fought less as soon as I told him I had given up this old lifestyle (not much of a lifestyle just something fun to do) and again don't think that I'm some recovering party girl because it was easier to walk away than I thought.
And although it's not physical abuse (nor am I saying my boyfriend and I inflict each other with any type of abuse at all) I still found giving up something that upset him made our relationship run smooth and that is why I wanted to write about Alcohol Abuse and Domestic Violence.
Fact#1: Although there is no direct relationship between alcohol and domestic abuse, there is a very strong correlation. The relationship between abusing alcohol and domestic violence range between 25-80%.
Fact#2: Every 15 seconds a woman is battered by her husband or boyfriend.
Fact#3: Domestic Violence is the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15 to 44, more common than car accidents, muggings and rapes combined.
Fact#4: The % of batterers who are intoxicated when they abuse there partner range between 48-87%
Fact#5: About 6.6 million children under 18 live in a household with at least one Alcoholic Parent.
Click Here for Help in Domestics Violence, Rape and/or Sexual Assault
Love is Bitter, Love is Sweet, Love is...
Friday, November 26, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Top Ten Reasons Your Relationship Might Fail
So after a long Thanksgiving day (and because I am not the one to wake up at 4am for the whole black friday madness) I did a little research on relationship failures. Upon stumbling onto the website articlebase.com I found an interesting (psychological and physical) take on 10 Reasons Relationships Fail and How to Succeed, so here is the article, put into my words. However if you want the legit article just click the "10 Reasons..." link above.
Number 1: Loss of Feelings -- when you first meet someone you're attracted to it hits you like a freight train. You get that blast of testosterone and estrogen which causes that "I definitely want to get to know you better" vibe. Then the body sends out dopamine, serotonin and adrenaline. For those of you who never took advanced psychology and physiology in high school...
QUICK SCIENCE LESSON:
Dopamine: acts on the sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight) and can speed up your heart rate and blood pressure. Basically it works on that reward feeling you get whenever you ace a test, or get a raise, and makes you feel proud.
Serotonin: regulates your mood, appetite and sleep. If you receive the correct amount (avoid drugs) you feel self-confidence and a sense of security.
Adrenaline: we pretty much are all familiar with the heart pumping, mood elevating feeling adrenaline presents us with.
Number 2: Communication Deficiency -- Bet you didn't know 55% of all communication is done through the body - body language. Be careful, that crossed arm sitting on the couch action might just be you chilling but could the man be thinking you're snubbing him off. yikes. Then you Tone, Speed, and Volume account for 35% of communication; such as, a pause before answering a question. Then the last 10% is the literal words coming from you mouth! (Personally I would put the reliance on texting a significant other in this category. That is mine and my boyfriends' BIGGEST issue).
Number 3: Money Problems -- It's hard to put this in personal thoughts and words because I don't really have any words of my own. Basically, the money itself isn't the issue; it's the attachment and feelings one has with money and if money creates a power struggle or a new reason to compromise.
Number 4: No Quality Time -- This is where technology and texting come into play. So much time is spent through social networking and sms messaging that hardly any time is spent face to face! A lot of couples complain that the other is constantly online or answering phone calls.
Number 5: Sex -- Not enough. Too much. Cheating. Even the internet (pornography). 50%+ couples say that they struggle with sex related issues and 15% relate to a sexless relationship.
Number 6: Marriage at a Young Age -- If you are a women and you get married before the age of 25, I bet you weren't aware that you are twice as likely to have your marriage end in a divorce (God forbid). This next statement is reasonable though: After the age of 25 it is said that you have a better understanding of yourself and your goals for life. You also have better communication skills, and most likely, a better financial situation (say goodbye to numbers 2&3).
Number 7: Loss of Respect and Admiration -- This one seems to me like it belongs in correlation with number 1 but when couples stop admiring each other and lose respect, name-calling and spiteful words tend to release themselves and that's no way to build love and trust.
Number 8: Opposites Attract... but they're still Opposites -- Differences in values and lifestyles can quickly cause defensiveness and anger. Outgoing types might feel constricted by self-controlled personas. Shy, meager persons may find friendly, talkative types annoying and lacking self control. So we need to look deeper and find out what really makes us compatible with our partners instead of what makes us different.
Number 9: Family -- Maybe you have kids. Maybe you have crazy in-laws. Maybe you have an ex-husband. Whether you have any of these you have got to look at your relationship and you and the other: A couple.
Number 10: Substance and Alcohol Abuse -- Liquor, Narcotics, Illegal Substances: They all lead to issues at one point or another. No one wants to be out-loved by a substance. No one wants the love of their life to wake up and, instead of a kiss, go for a swig of the bottle. If this is a problem, I seriously and strongly recommend getting you or your partner help. You have you have your whole heart and mind into a relationship.
Number 1: Loss of Feelings -- when you first meet someone you're attracted to it hits you like a freight train. You get that blast of testosterone and estrogen which causes that "I definitely want to get to know you better" vibe. Then the body sends out dopamine, serotonin and adrenaline. For those of you who never took advanced psychology and physiology in high school...
QUICK SCIENCE LESSON:
Dopamine: acts on the sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight) and can speed up your heart rate and blood pressure. Basically it works on that reward feeling you get whenever you ace a test, or get a raise, and makes you feel proud.
Serotonin: regulates your mood, appetite and sleep. If you receive the correct amount (avoid drugs) you feel self-confidence and a sense of security.
Adrenaline: we pretty much are all familiar with the heart pumping, mood elevating feeling adrenaline presents us with.
Number 2: Communication Deficiency -- Bet you didn't know 55% of all communication is done through the body - body language. Be careful, that crossed arm sitting on the couch action might just be you chilling but could the man be thinking you're snubbing him off. yikes. Then you Tone, Speed, and Volume account for 35% of communication; such as, a pause before answering a question. Then the last 10% is the literal words coming from you mouth! (Personally I would put the reliance on texting a significant other in this category. That is mine and my boyfriends' BIGGEST issue).
Number 3: Money Problems -- It's hard to put this in personal thoughts and words because I don't really have any words of my own. Basically, the money itself isn't the issue; it's the attachment and feelings one has with money and if money creates a power struggle or a new reason to compromise.
Number 4: No Quality Time -- This is where technology and texting come into play. So much time is spent through social networking and sms messaging that hardly any time is spent face to face! A lot of couples complain that the other is constantly online or answering phone calls.
Number 5: Sex -- Not enough. Too much. Cheating. Even the internet (pornography). 50%+ couples say that they struggle with sex related issues and 15% relate to a sexless relationship.
Number 6: Marriage at a Young Age -- If you are a women and you get married before the age of 25, I bet you weren't aware that you are twice as likely to have your marriage end in a divorce (God forbid). This next statement is reasonable though: After the age of 25 it is said that you have a better understanding of yourself and your goals for life. You also have better communication skills, and most likely, a better financial situation (say goodbye to numbers 2&3).
Number 7: Loss of Respect and Admiration -- This one seems to me like it belongs in correlation with number 1 but when couples stop admiring each other and lose respect, name-calling and spiteful words tend to release themselves and that's no way to build love and trust.
Number 8: Opposites Attract... but they're still Opposites -- Differences in values and lifestyles can quickly cause defensiveness and anger. Outgoing types might feel constricted by self-controlled personas. Shy, meager persons may find friendly, talkative types annoying and lacking self control. So we need to look deeper and find out what really makes us compatible with our partners instead of what makes us different.
Number 9: Family -- Maybe you have kids. Maybe you have crazy in-laws. Maybe you have an ex-husband. Whether you have any of these you have got to look at your relationship and you and the other: A couple.
Number 10: Substance and Alcohol Abuse -- Liquor, Narcotics, Illegal Substances: They all lead to issues at one point or another. No one wants to be out-loved by a substance. No one wants the love of their life to wake up and, instead of a kiss, go for a swig of the bottle. If this is a problem, I seriously and strongly recommend getting you or your partner help. You have you have your whole heart and mind into a relationship.
Mobile Upload: Thursday, November 25th 2010
It seems like it's been a century since I've sat in the backseat of the family car with my younger brother. It's a miracle he's even going to thanksgiving dinner with us.
Only a youngen, still in high school, he has been dating a girl for about a year. She's pretty, sweet, innocent, and wealthy (well her family is) and they're all really nice people, but I can see that my parents' feelings are hurt when he spends days at a time over at her house. He's only in high school and they let him sleepover.
Personally, the thought of my brother "in love" is a bit gross, but maybe they are, or maybe they're stuck in the lust of first girlfriend, first boyfriend. auch been there done that.
Love is Bitter, Love is Sweet, Love is...
Only a youngen, still in high school, he has been dating a girl for about a year. She's pretty, sweet, innocent, and wealthy (well her family is) and they're all really nice people, but I can see that my parents' feelings are hurt when he spends days at a time over at her house. He's only in high school and they let him sleepover.
Personally, the thought of my brother "in love" is a bit gross, but maybe they are, or maybe they're stuck in the lust of first girlfriend, first boyfriend. auch been there done that.
Love is Bitter, Love is Sweet, Love is...
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
My Self Introduction.
Before I started this blog I had my fingers suspended above the keys with one question on my mind. What should my blog be about? I figured I would write about something I knew, but then I thought twice and thought again, what if I write a Blog about something I don't know about...
Sure everyone claims they are an expert of love, but I will be honest, I don't think I know what it is. I have a boyfriend, so boys are not new to me. But it dawned upon me the other day that I may have been involved with many boys and flings and shameless flirting but I have truly only had 1 true relationship (I believe to be) filled with love and not just lust. The one I have now.
I suppose I could start off my explaining who my boyfriend is and the times we've been through but I don't want anyone (and by anyone I mean me) to get too attached. I don't know how much longer he is going to be sticking around... the thing is, we've dated once before. Back in December of 2009 but it didn't last long. He left me two months later. I hadn't seen him since. I've always followed the words of Luna Lovegood, "Things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end... If not always in the way we expect," and that is exactly what happened. Nine months later: August 28th 2010. Our best friend's mother passed. I will never forget the day I went over to comfort him and was told the my ex would be there -- I hadn't seen him in nine months.
A lot can happen in 9 months; one can have a baby in 9 months; one can create a whole new identity in 9 months; one can completely grow up in 9 months -- I knew he had gotten back with his ex but that didn't stop either of us when he opened his arms and I jumped into them as if nothing had changed. Nor did I stop him when 2 days later his lips parted as he leaned towards me and every ounce of bitterness, remorse, and regret flooded out of our systems. And here we are. I try to consider it a God thing "Dear God, If he is the one for me, bring him back to me. If not, bring me someone... better?" Couldn't find anyone better, guess he couldn't either... at least I like to think that. Sometimes I wonder about him though. He's notorious for getting back with exes so am I just another? I don't want to lose him so I don't open up to him; it drives him insane. I just don't want him to realize how rapidly active my thought process is. So here we are.
Love is Bitter? Love is Sweet? Love is...?
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